They’re often afraid of being seen for who they really are or having someone they date see flaws or weaknesses in them.

For most people, they wade into relationships with the usual caution, knowing they might get hurt and that they will be seen in all their glory — flaws and all.

The Fear Factor: It goes without saying that it’s not so great if you fall into the extremely picky camp. What causes someone to be so picky and overly discerning? Extreme pickiness is a giant blob of defense mechanisms with an underlying fear of a real long-term romantic relationship.

Underneath it all, people who are extremely picky are afraid to depend on someone for fear of getting hurt.

I’ve heard it said a million times before: “I’m really picky.” The subject, of course, is pickiness in dating, and countless men and women tell themselves they can’t find a mate because they’re just too picky.

But before we go further, we need to pump the breaks: There is healthy picky and unhealthy picky.

On the other hand, most men can benefit from developing their personal confidence in order to both enjoy themselves more and so they can select women they feel a powerful connection with, regardless of whether or not she’s the hottest girl in his orbit.

Most men would do well to relax and let themselves enjoy a little more casual sex with women they might not want to date seriously but whom they still enjoy sharing a sensual relationship with, and most men would also benefit from dating a woman they find very attractive who provides additional benefits to his life other than simply looking good on his arm.

When a man selects a woman to sleep with, date or enter into a relationship with, he takes a lot of social factors into consideration, and that’s why men tend to be picky about who they end up with, even though their procreative drive urges them to sow their wild oats far and wide.

Generally speaking, the more attractive a woman is, the more social status she will give the man who sleeps, dates or enters into a relationship with her.

Nevertheless, the possibility that the relationship could be a good and comforting one makes it worth the risk.

For people who are unhealthily picky, on the other hand, the possibility of a long-term relationship does the opposite of soothing them: It actually stresses them out! If you are someone who is extremely picky, it means that you (unconsciously) work hard to find faults with prospective partners as a means of self-protection.

My heart goes out to those men and women who have spent years being extremely picky — aka too afraid — because I believe they have missed out on a lot of the comfort that can come with a long-term relationship.