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With my current setup with Adam, he knows that yes, I am attracted to other people and am sleeping with some. And there’s no confidence booster like remembering that it’s me whom he comes home to and loves deeply. He knows all of my quirks, he knows what makes me tick and how to reason with me.

We made a new rule then: No sleeping with Facebook friends, no friending lovers. Every attractive woman was a potential threat in my mind, and I was paranoid about my boyfriends’ connections with other people.

Rule 5: Two different lovers in one week is a little much, so we try to avoid that. Since our communication never allowed for a simple conversation about how beautiful some woman was, or how cute a guy I saw was, any amount of flirting was catastrophic. Besides, a little jealousy can be healthy, and it usually fades after a few hours to a few days.

When I really stop to think about it, I know that there’s very little chance that he’s seeing anyone who is going to be better for him than I am.

We’ve removed the ownership that can come with a conventional relationship.

We build and modify the relationship—and the rules—as we go. We started with very few, and now we have a few more that we’ve devised along the way.

There have been instances where something has felt uncomfortable, or times we’ve felt hurt, so we've modified.

And lest you think we’re a small subculture of free-love weirdos, research over the last several years estimates that 4-5 percent of relationships in the U. Many people feel that having a relationship or sex with only one person for an indefinite amount of time is too difficult and unnatural. For most of my life I was a serial monogamist and constantly cheating.

In fact, I only had one successful monogamous relationship. (And everybody gets laid.)A lot of non-monogamous couples joke that they spend more time talking about it than they do getting any. I'm not saying monogamy is impossible, or improbable.

We make a point not to spend too much time with secondary partners. But that's something we've never really had to make an effort for.

We can, and sometimes do become friends with them, especially if they hang around for a couple years, but we have to cut it off if it becomes more than that. Rule 3: Always get consent from the person who’s getting involved.

We were both always aware of the existence of other lovers, but it was clear that we were each other's favorite.