So you really need to ask, before you even get menus or taste, what type of services they offer. I once worked a wedding where the caterer they hired told me that they didn't to any service, they only provided the food and set it up. Why not have a framed copy of the lyrics to your song?
Put yourself in your friend’s shoes and imagine how you might feel if the situation was reversed.
That said, at the end of the day you should do what’s truly best for you.
We are interested in resisting the heteronormative family structure in which people are expected to form a dyad, marry, have kids, and get all their needs met within that family structure. Think about where you see yourself in the future, and where you see your friends in relation to you, and then dream that future into reality together.
A lot of us see that as unhealthy, as a new technology of post-industrial late capitalism that is connected to alienating people from community and training them to think in terms of individuality, to value the smaller unit of the nuclear family rather than the extended family. The list goes on and on and on and on and I am fully serious. If you’re single, think about how you might continue to live life as a single person with your friends.
This code is so hard-wired in the feminine psyche that a fourth grader knew it when asked to configure dates for four men and four women on a math test, and she cited the moral dilemma saying, “I can’t answer this problem because my mom says according to girl code you shouldn’t date a friends x boyfriend. What if you live in a town with a population of under five thousand?
In our Tinder/Bumble universe does it make sense that even short-lived romances or mere meets should result in a permanent boy/girl ban?
But I think something we don’t often take into account is how much actually goes into deep sustaining friendships, and that might be normal and good. Like bringing them their favorite donut on a work break just because you “happen to be in the neighborhood” (lez be real you are absolutely not), or leaving flowers on their front porch with a cute note so they’re surprised when they get home from a long day? Obviously you should tailor the sweet gestures to your specific friend’s desires and personality, but here are some ideas to get you started: write love notes in chalk on their sidewalk or driveway, bring them flowers, make a mix CD, send a postcard, offer to squeeze a blackhead on their back, give them first pick when you clean out your closet, do their makeup, watch their dog, pick up their meds, ask if they want to borrow your car… It’s really trendy these days to talk about performing emotional labor, and I actually don’t want to have a conversation about the true implications of that phrase right now because the internet dialogue surrounding it makes me want to stab my eyes out, but the main truth I want to get to is: being a good friend to someone is not “emotional labor,” it’s just being emotionally available for your pals. Okay, that’s my manifesto for creating a culture of genuine community care. How do you show your friends they’re special and important to you?
A friendship is a relationship, and as the well therapized among us know, relationships take work, and they should! Of course not everyone has the capacity to be emotionally available for agreeing to be somewhat emotionally available for each other a lot of the time! It’s not the same thing as forcibly extracted emotional labor! How can we all support each other today and tomorrow and the next day?
There are many different types of service out there - yes, I said service not food.
Catering a wedding, of course needs good food, but more importantly good service. Sure you've planned a fun wedding, maybe some great food & drinks, but don't forget the little details.
I often remind couples that at the wedding, your guests want to see why we're all here. Or better yet, maybe they were there with you at that concert, and now have a story to share with other guests.