So God forbid if you, the abused person, decide to assert yourself and insist that your feelings be taken into account.The abusive one will see it as an attempt on your part to take over and therefore he or she will become quite angry.

I believe abusive people understand intimately how those they love feel but use that understanding to control them.

If the abusive person can pretend to not understand, then he or she has more power to manipulate the other.

In another simple everyday example, my ex-wife, after ten years of marriage, began to correct my way of speaking.

Being an English major, I knew how to talk, yet she decided she did not like certain phrases I used and told me not to say them.

It is not that abusive people don't understand others' feelings; I think that, in their own way, they understand these emotions very well.

It's that an abusive person chooses not to acknowledge those feelings because to do so would take attention away from him or her.

Also abusive people hide this understanding because it creates another layer that the loved one must pass through to establish communication.

Thus this deception makes it even harder for the loved one to assert himself or herself. It sure does get complicated for those of us who don't think this way or even imagine that living like this is real.

While it feels like love and is initially quite joyful, it is more like an infection or an addiction.